


I Let You Go (Forever)

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Series: Nothing Lasts Forever [2]
Category: Guns N' Roses
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:07:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27707372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Axl realizes what he lost.
Relationships: Axl Rose/Izzy Stradlin
Series: Nothing Lasts Forever [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026000
Comments: 16
Kudos: 8





	I Let You Go (Forever)

It was amazing, really, how much useless shit a person could hoard in the span of five years. 

Axl was learning that the hard way as he dug through a musty, dusty old closet. 

"For fuck's sake." He growled, grabbing an armful of old clothes and tossed them aside, not having the patience to painstakingly go through each and every article of clothing yet. There were more important things to do - like erase any sign in existence that Erin had ever been in his life. 

In the years since the closet had been cleaned out, dust and dead bugs had taken over almost completely. Axl grimaced, hating that he was having to do this, but knowing that it would do wonders for his psyche. If he had to live every day of his life with Erin's presence lingering around, then Axl might've just died. 

Erin had been a collector of many things, but it only figured that she would've left so much behind when she moved out. Seemingly millions of little figurines and mementos that she had neglected to take, all of which Axl would get rid of, as soon as he got the bigger stuff out. 

There were piles of boxes, taped up and stacked against the wall, long forgotten. 

Shuffling forward on his knees, Axl tried to avoid hitting his head on the railing as he grabbed the top box and placed it on the ground. It was covered in a thin layer of dust, and Axl wiped it off with the sleeve of his sweater, knowing that he was just going to get even dirtier as time passed. He ripped the tape off, waving his arm around as it the tape sticked on and refused to let go, until it finally flew away and fell onto the ground. "Jesus." Axl muttered, already irritated, and he'd only just started. 

The box was filled to the brim with Erin's dresses that she rarely wore, and at the very top was the one she wore for their wedding. It was still in relatively good shape, but the pure white had faded and was now a very light brown. Axl frowned as he grabbed the dress and inspected it, feeling the coarse material, roughened by age. Erin hadn't put it away properly, nor had she taken it, so it was an easy guess to assume that she didn't give a damn about such a precious memento. 

And Axl didn't either. 

He stuffed the dress back inside the box and closed it again, uncaring as to what else may have been in there. Axl grabbed a marker and scrawled - **DONATIONS**.

The extra money would be needed, anyways, without Erin to help pay the bills. 

Like everything else, Axl kicked the box aside, and ducked back inside of the closet to grab the next box, which yeiled books of all kinds, some of them having been from back when Axl had been a kid. But those were hardly pleasant memories, and so he marked the box for donations and kicked it next to the other box. 

Everything was just full of stupid memories that only made the heartache feel more real, and Axl hated it. Erin didn't deserve to be remembered in any form, and the whole wedding had just been a disaster from the beginning. They were two firecrackers, and when their flames met, then it was all over. 

The last box was worse than the rest, which meant that it was the oldest. 

Axl didn't even remember putting any of the boxes back there, so it must've been the handy work of Erin. 

' _Of fucking course.'_ Axl thought as he ripped the tape off, expecting the see more clothing or books or things that were equally unimportant, but instead, the box was full of men's clothing, and they didn't belong to Axl, and that meant that they belonged to one person, and one person only. 

Long, flowing shirts that belonged at Woodstock. Black skinny jeans. Books about wars and presidents. ' _Oh, Izzy.'_ Axl picked up a notebook that'd been shoved to the side, and flipped through it, glancing at the pages and pages, full of rough sketches of men and women, twisted monsters and rows and rows of trees. 

Tucked inside one of the pages was a photograph, torn at the bottom. Izzy was holding a guitar, half-smiling at the camera, dark hair framing his face. He was crouched atop of the roof of a building, perpetually framed in eternity. Axl held the picture with careful hands, as if the picture would crumble in an instant. 

Axl hadn't talked to Izzy in years. Not since the wedding, at least. 

"Fuck." Axl sighed, setting the photograph aside and looking back down at the objects in the box. They'd been sitting in the closet for so long, yet Axl could still feel Izzy, could still smell his cologne. On one of the shirts, there was a single strand of black hair, and Axl couldn't bring himself to touch it. 

For some reason, the idea seemed forbidden. 

Yet again, Axl grabbed the photograph, and he looked at it sadly, remembering how Izzy had been so reluctant to take the picture, had rejected the offer several times, but Duff, who had been holding the camera, had been taking pictures of everybody and pointed the camera at Izzy, and he'd done the closest thing he would ever willingly get to a smile. 

Axl had always loved the photo, and the sudden sight of Izzy, a man he hadn't seen in so many years - it made him unexpectedly emotional. He had missed the younger man for years, but now, the whole, sudden realization was coming and it hit Axl like a loaded truck. Axl missed Izzy, missed his rare smile, missed the shine in his eyes. He missed how clever Izzy was, how selfless he was. 

Izzy had left. 

And Axl missed him, like a physical ache in his chest. 

God, Axl loved Izzy, like how he'd thought he'd loved Erin, except his love for Izzy was so much more. 

Standing up, Axl walked over to the table, and he grabbed his phone. It took a moment of scrolling, but he managed to find the contact he was looking for. 

"Hey." Duff said, sounding rather exhausted. 

Axl wasn't exactly sure what he was going to say. "Um - Hey, man. I was just calling you because..." He trailed off, unsure. "Well, I was just going through some things and I found some of Izzy's things." 

Duff was silent for a moment. "And?" He finally said after a moment. 

"Well, I just wanted to know how Izzy's doing." Axl had deleted Izzy's number after he'd left in a fit of anger, and up until that moment, Axl hadn't regretted it. 

But now, such a decision was coming back to wreak havoc. 

"He's fine." Duff said, his voice suddenly very cold. "Why?" He asked. 

Axl licked his lips. "I just found a picture of him." He was holding the photograph tightly, superstitiously afraid to lose it. The photo was his one last thread to Izzy and Axl couldn't take the chance of not having it any longer. 

"That's nice." Duff said, noncommittal and short. 

Back when Izzy had left, Axl had pretended not to care, but it had hurt more than anything. He had told Izzy to to, and it was only now that he was realizing what a terrible, horrible mistake that'd been, to marry Erin. It'd been an even worse mistake to let Izzy go. "Duff. I made a horrible mistake." Axl sat down at the edge of the bed, his heart feeling like it was falling down a long, dark, bottomless abyss. 

"And you only just realized that? Five years after Erin, it's only now that you realize that you ruined the best thing that'd ever happen to you?" Duff was getting angry, which was a rare enough thing that everybody knew to take it seriously. "Izzy loved you, but the thing is that you've only ever loved yourself." He snapped, but then he paused, and took a deep breathe. 

"Izzy loved you, Axl." Duff whispered. "And you took that and ran with it."

Axl ran his hand through his hair. "I didn't think that - it was nothing! I thought it was nothing!" 

"Well, you thought wrong." Duff replied coldly. 

The response was enough to make Axl freeze up, as if a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped over him. He couldn't formulate a proper sentence for a moment, and so he only opened his mouth and closed it like a fish, angry but knowing that he had nobody but himself to blame. "I didn't realize that I loved him like - like that." Axl said quietly. 

Duff scoffed. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that." Far from exhausted, Duff was now getting sarcastic. "But Iz has moved on, Axl. He's happy now." 

"He's moved on?" Axl said without thinking, and then he winced, knowing how badly those three words sounded. 

"Of course he moved on!" Duff suddenly yelled. 

Axl stiffened. "I know. I'm sorry." He looked down at the picture, rubbing his thumb over Izzy's face, over those beautiful eyes and half-smile that he'd never get to see again, all because of a stupid mistake. Axl hadn't loved Erin - she had just reminded him of himself, of that fiery temper. And Izzy had been cold as ice, which had offset Axl's own fire. "Is he - is he happy?" Axl whispered, his voice cracking, only adding to his shame. 

For a moment, Duff was silent, as if he was thinking about whether or not Axl could be dignified with an answer to his inquiry. "He's very happy." Duff finally said in a quieter tone. "Much happier than he's even been. Listen, Axl, please don't contact him. Izzy's happy, and he's okay, for the first time in a long time. If you love him, Axl, then give him that peace." 

The words felt like a dagger through Axl's heart, and it was the worst physical pain that he'd ever felt. He stared at the photo, at the last remnant of Izzy that remained, and a single tear fell from his eye. Axl sighed, shutting his eyes tightly, wishing for nothing more than to go back in time. He wanted to have never, ever met Erin, to have taken Izzy within his arms and told him how much he loved him.

' _But, do you love him enough, to let him go?'_

Axl took a deep breathe. "Okay." He whispered, and it hurt, so badly. 

"Thanks, Axl. I gotta go, okay?" Duff hung up, leaving Axl to sit there, mourning the loss of a man he didn't even know he'd had. 


End file.
